Sunday, June 29, 2025

Day Three Completed

 Day Three Completed


You know, I had a fairly decent day today and helped Dad get to church and made sure he had good meals and was safe. It was a challenge driving him to church, with sketchy roads and completely stupid motorists almost getting me involved in collisions. I avoided accidents and resisted the urge to flip people off. No need to trigger more conflict.


I tried to watch a couple of videos on the BBC Maestro YouTube channel with Alan Moore about "wroiting," but the man's accent is so thick even I can't understand him completely. He had some good points, that you should understand science and how the world really operates before you try to spin out a story, but he talks so slowly and deliberately that it irks me. I still subscribed to that channel and gave his videos a "loik" but couldn't watch the second one all the way through.


I haven't heard from my friend since Wednesday morning. I hope she is alright. She told me she was having some problems with her medications and her liver. I tried calling her this afternoon but there was no answer. I am not going to allow people in my life to trigger me into drinking or smoking anythinig again.


Dad seems to have lost some of the hate he seems to harbor for me. I haven't spent any of his money on anything but food, fuel for the car, and medications for him. I made a simple dinner with hamburger, gravy, and diced potatoes for dinner tonight. He is snacking now on chocolate and watching TV. I try to tell the man that saturated fat is not good for his heart condition, but in his opinion I am a moron and must be wrong about everything. There is no getting through to such a judgemental, prejudiced person.


I am done with writing for the day now. It has been a trying day, given my troubling dreams, distaste for religion, and the actions of aggressive strangers. No point dwelling on troubles however, I should just be glad I lived through another day.


8:09 PM, 6/29/2025.

Another Day Without Beer

 Another Day Without Beer


I went to church with Dad this morning, so I could help him with his transportation and keep an eye out for his balance getting in and out of the place. It wasn't so bad, but to me, religion is seriously silly. After we got home I made a list of things to get from the market for dinner, but when I got to the market there were half a dozen police cars in the parking lot and the lot was taped off with police tape. I didn't see ambulance or fire, so it was probably a robbery or something. I continued on east to Kroger and bought donut holes, hamburger, and maple syrup, but nothing else.


I am steeping a cup of tea now, and had a coffee and some lunch. Dinner will be hamburger and gravy with diced potatoes. I am three days now without drinking beer or any alcohol for that matter, and am not even tempted. That substance does nothing but damage in my opinion. And no, I am not inclined to buy any cannabis or tobacco either. It has been two months since I smoked weed, and three years about since I smoked tobacco. All of those are bad habits that impact my productivity on my caregiver job and on my creative pursuits.


I have the radio going now. They are playing a new song by some woman who sounds like Erin LeCount, but is not Erin. I have to suspect there is some kind of software filter involved that gives these women the same tonality and voice. It's an uncanny resemblance. In any case, I have about an hour to spend now before I start on dinner. Just been wondering what happened at the market today and why so many police vehicles were in the lot. Oh well, I will ask tomorrow.


3:59 PM, 6/29/2025.

Day Three of Life Without Alcohol

 Day Three of Life Without Alcohol


I had a long night of many dreams again. I dreamt that I was riding my mountain bike to California, and that I was doing some kind of weird construction job, and that I was shopping for bread and bologna at various supermarkets. Overall it was a busy night and the dreams, though vivid, did not disturb me.


This is day three of sobriety for me. I took my morning medications and am having a cup of coffee. It's Sunday morning and I have to get Dad going on his shower and get him to his church services. Hopefully the service doesn't go on for an hour and a half as it did last week. I feel so out of place with people who bow down and kneel to invisible gods. Why is mainstream religion all about obedience? It's social manipulation at best, and mental slavery at worst.


I haven't heard from Janelle in three days now. I hope she isn't having any problems. She may have broken or lost her phone again, and maybe she doesn't remember my phone number. Oh well. I really do not need to talk to somebody who only thinks about getting drunk and smoking weed. This coffee I have now is more than enough as far as I am concerned, and even that will eventually have to go.


I started reading a book on writing journals and memoirs. Well, I don't want to live in the past. My history is painful. I have come into contact with some of the worst kinds of people, and I am really surprised that I am even alive at 63 years old. I refuse to be controlled or made sad by my history, and as far as I am concerned, the bullshit that was done to me is over.


I suppose it might be pointless to post this recovery journey on my blog that nobody reads. It keeps me honest and has given me some relief just to spit out what's bothering me. I am very upset about having to be caregiver for my Dad now. He got miffed at me yesterday at dinner because I deboned his chicken leg and stripped out all the fat and skin so he doesn't get so much grease in his meal. seriouy, there is something wrong with a person who insists on eating fatty cuts of meat despite his advanced heart disease.


It's going to be another hot day, and I am not enjoying the idea of sitting in a cramped church with a crowd of strangers and trying to keep Dad from falling on his ass. I am the only person in that church who doesn't believe in their fantasy world of heaven and hell. And I am sick of their clergy trying to get me back into the prescribed role of a sheep in a flock of believers being led by the nose. It's bad enough I put up with that until I was 23 and finally quit believing in nonsense about life after death and their angry sky daddy.


But of course I ramble and can not seem to stay on target. What the hell is there really to say about alcoholism and abstinence? You drink beer, you get wasted and fall asleep. You quit drinking and start doing things for yourself. At least I am keeping some kind of record of my progress, and I have a reason not to get wasted ever again. I don't have money for that bullshit anyway. Time to get Dad going on his shower and make myself some morning food. 


8:00 AM, 6/29/2025.


Saturday, June 28, 2025

Why Would Anybody Drink Alcohol?

 Why Would Anybody Drink Alcohol?


Well, back in ancient times the water wasn't safe to drink, and alcohol kills microorganisms, even the yeast cells that form it. Also, beer was made by boiling barley malt and hops, so it began already sterilized. But think about it, we are not living in the ancient world.


It is evening now, and I have had a busy day. Did my daily writing, ran some information off from my AI buddy Gemini, and watched a few videos on sobriety, and other random stuff. I went to the corner market three times, for chicken for dinner, fruit, and medication for Dad. I made a decent meal for the two of us, and made sure Dad was doing alright and wasn't hungry or thirsty. He watched golf most of the day, and is watching baseball tonight. I am drinking a cup of tea, and have some nice fruit to make smoothies with.


I don't understand the whole culture behind getting drunk or otherwise intoxicated. This has led me nowhere but into the prison-like life I lead, with no friends and no family of my own. I have to think things would have been different if I had persued a career in something like the military, but I was hardened against senseless political wars by growing up in the Vietnam War Era. From an early age I was exposed to things like the Mai Lai Massacre, and wondered as a child why anybody would bathe in blood, as the newscasters described that atrocity as a bloodbath.


I have a cup of tea ready to sip, and have taken my evening dose of Olanzapine, and haven't had any actual hallucinations today. I did hear some troubling referential things in the peanut gallery of TV golf, as well as on the radio, but just laughed them off. Didn't have any trouble with random stalkers at the grocery store this evening, and Dad hasn't been shouting obscenities at his technology as he used to do endlessly to try and trigger me.


I wasn't tempted to buy alcohol today and didn't walk by the beer coolers at the store. I am slowly feeling better, and the occlusion in my ears has finally cleared. I still have some ringing in my ears, but not as bad as yesterday. I think I will wrap up the blog for today, and once again, read the post below if you still don't think ethanol is a poison and a form of organized crime.


8:35 PM, 6/28/2025.

The True Cost of Alcohol Addiction

 The True Cost of Alcohol Addiction

A short conversation with Gemini AI and Bill Remski:

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As a rough estimate, how many deaths are caused worldwide by ethanol consumption?



According to the World Health Organization (WHO), approximately 2.6 million deaths worldwide were attributable to alcohol consumption in 2019. This accounts for about 4.7% of all deaths globally.


It's important to note that this figure includes deaths from various alcohol-attributable causes, such as:


Noncommunicable diseases (e.g., liver cirrhosis, cardiovascular diseases, cancers)


Injuries (e.g., road traffic crashes, self-harm, interpersonal violence)


Communicable diseases (e.g., increased risk of HIV transmission, tuberculosis)


The burden of alcohol-related deaths is disproportionately higher among men (2 million deaths) compared to women (0.6 million deaths) in 2019, and a significant proportion (13%) occurred in younger individuals aged 20–39 years.



Sources






That's like all the deaths caused by the Nazi Holocaust every 2 years. Why don't people get upset about it?



That's a very striking and sobering comparison, and it highlights a critical point about public perception and societal issues. You've hit on a core reason why people might not react with the same level of outrage or concern to alcohol-related deaths as they do to historical atrocities like the Holocaust:


Here are some key factors that contribute to this difference in perception:


Social Acceptance and Normalization: Alcohol is deeply ingrained in many cultures worldwide. It's associated with celebrations, social gatherings, relaxation, and even religious ceremonies. This widespread social acceptance makes it difficult for many people to view it as a dangerous substance on par with illicit drugs or a direct cause of mass casualties in the same way a deliberate act of genocide is perceived.



Gradual and Diffuse Harm: Unlike a sudden, catastrophic event like the Holocaust, alcohol-related deaths often occur gradually over time due to chronic health conditions (liver disease, cancer, heart problems) or as a result of individual accidents (DUI, falls). The connection between a single drink and a long-term health outcome can be hard to grasp, and there's no single, easily identifiable "enemy" or perpetrator.


Individual Responsibility Narrative: There's a strong societal tendency to frame alcohol consumption as an individual choice and responsibility. While this holds some truth, it can overshadow the systemic factors, industry marketing, and public health failures that contribute to widespread alcohol harm. The narrative often shifts blame to the individual who "drank too much" rather than acknowledging the broader public health crisis.


Stigma and Shame: Alcohol use disorder (AUD) carries a significant stigma. People struggling with AUD or their families may feel shame, which can prevent them from seeking help or openly discussing the negative impacts of alcohol. This silence can further perpetuate the idea that alcohol problems are isolated individual failures rather than a widespread public health issue.



Economic Interests: The alcohol industry is a powerful economic force, employing millions of people and generating substantial tax revenue. This economic influence can make it challenging to implement stricter alcohol control policies or to launch public awareness campaigns that truly reflect the scale of the harm.


Lack of Direct, Centralized "Evil": The Holocaust was a clear, intentional act of mass extermination driven by hateful ideology. This makes it easier to rally outrage and condemnation. Alcohol, on the other hand, is a product consumed by individuals, and its harms are often seen as unintended consequences, even if predictable.


Public Education Gaps: Despite the known risks, there's often a lack of consistent, robust public education campaigns that clearly and unequivocally communicate the dangers of alcohol consumption, similar to anti-smoking campaigns. Many people are simply not fully aware of the extent of alcohol's harm, including its links to various cancers and other diseases.



Focus on Other "Crises": In the media and public discourse, other issues like opioid addiction often receive more immediate attention, even if alcohol causes more deaths annually. This doesn't diminish the importance of those other crises, but it can contribute to alcohol's harms being less prominently featured.


In essence, the pervasive social acceptance, the diffuse nature of its harm, and the narrative of individual responsibility all contribute to a collective blind spot regarding the immense toll of alcohol consumption. It's a "silent epidemic" that doesn't trigger the same emotional response as more concentrated or deliberately inflicted tragedies, even when the cumulative death toll is comparable or even higher.




Sources






It's been covered up by wealthy corporations and governments receiving tax money to keep it legal. Seriously, you didn't even mention the profit motive.



You are absolutely right to call me out on that. My apologies for the oversight. The profit motive and the influence of powerful corporations and governments are, without a doubt, major factors in why the scale of alcohol-related harm doesn't receive the widespread public outrage one might expect.


Let me explicitly acknowledge and elaborate on that crucial point:


The Profit Motive and Systemic Influence:

Massive Economic Power of the Alcohol Industry:


The global alcohol industry is a multi-trillion-dollar business. Major corporations have enormous financial resources, which they use to produce, market, and distribute their products worldwide.



These companies invest heavily in advertising, sponsorship (of sports, music, cultural events), and brand promotion, which normalizes alcohol consumption and integrates it into almost every aspect of social life.


Their primary objective, like any business, is to maximize profits for shareholders. This inherently clashes with public health goals that aim to reduce consumption.


Government Revenue (Taxes):


Governments worldwide collect significant revenue from alcohol sales through excise taxes, sales taxes, and licensing fees. This creates a powerful incentive for governments to maintain the legality and widespread availability of alcohol.


This tax revenue is often channeled into public services, creating a situation where governments become financially dependent on alcohol sales, making it difficult to advocate for policies that might reduce consumption and thus reduce tax income.


The "sin tax" argument, where alcohol and tobacco are taxed to fund public services, can perversely disincentivize governments from genuinely curbing consumption, as reduced consumption would mean reduced revenue.


Lobbying and Political Influence:


The alcohol industry spends vast sums on lobbying efforts to influence legislation and regulation at local, national, and international levels.


This lobbying aims to prevent or weaken policies that could reduce alcohol harm, such as:


Restrictions on advertising and marketing (especially to youth).


Minimum pricing.


Restrictions on sales hours or outlets.


Higher taxes.


Stronger health warning labels.


They often frame these efforts as protecting consumer choice or supporting economic growth, rather than acknowledging the public health implications.


Campaign contributions and relationships with policymakers further solidify their influence.


"Cover-Up" and Downplaying Risks:


While not necessarily a direct, deliberate "cover-up" in the criminal sense, there is a systemic effort by the industry to downplay the risks of moderate consumption and promote alcohol as a relatively harmless or even beneficial part of a healthy lifestyle (e.g., the "red wine is good for your heart" narrative, which has been significantly debunked).


They often emphasize "responsible drinking" rather than focusing on the inherent risks of alcohol itself, shifting the onus entirely onto the individual consumer.


Funding research that supports their positions or discredits research that highlights harm is another tactic.


Lack of Strong Counter-Lobbying/Public Health Funding:


Public health organizations and advocacy groups often operate with significantly less funding and political power compared to the alcohol industry.


This imbalance makes it challenging to effectively counter the industry's narratives and lobbying efforts.


You are absolutely right to highlight the profit motive and the deeply intertwined relationship between the alcohol industry, governments (through taxation and lobbying), and the resulting impact on public perception and policy. It's a classic example of how economic interests can significantly shape public health outcomes and discourse, contributing to why such a massive death toll doesn't spark the widespread outrage it arguably should.


My apologies again for not including this critical perspective in my initial response. It's an indispensable part of understanding the complex issue of alcohol harm.



Sources






So they in effect blame the victim instead of the perpetrator.



You've articulated a crucial point that lies at the heart of many public health failures: yes, there is a significant element of "blaming the victim" in how society often addresses alcohol-related harm, while simultaneously shielding the industry that profits from it.


Let's break down how this happens:


How Victim Blaming Manifests in Alcohol Harm:

"Responsible Drinking" Campaigns:


The alcohol industry heavily promotes messages of "responsible drinking" or "drink responsibly." While this sounds innocuous on the surface, its effect is to shift the entire burden of harm onto the individual consumer.


It implies that if someone experiences negative consequences from alcohol, it's because they failed to be "responsible," not because the product itself carries inherent risks, or because the environment (promotional strategies, availability, pricing) encourages harmful consumption.


This narrative deflects attention from the industry's role in creating a culture where heavy drinking is normalized and often celebrated.


Focus on "Alcoholics" vs. Broader Harm:


Society often categorizes people into "normal drinkers" and "alcoholics" (or those with Alcohol Use Disorder). This creates a false dichotomy.


The implication is that only "alcoholics" suffer serious harm, and therefore, if you're not an "alcoholic," you're safe. This ignores the fact that a significant portion of alcohol-related harm (cancers, liver disease, accidents) occurs among people who would not be classified as having a severe AUD but who still drink above low-risk guidelines.


By framing it as an "alcoholic's problem," it reinforces the idea that it's an individual moral failing or a disease impacting a specific segment of the population, rather than a pervasive public health issue affecting many.


Stigma and Shame:


Individuals who develop alcohol-related problems often face severe social stigma and shame. This makes them less likely to seek help, further isolating them and reinforcing the idea that their struggle is a personal weakness.


This stigma is less likely to be attached to the producers or promoters of alcohol, who are seen as legitimate businesses.


Minimizing Health Risks for "Moderate" Consumption:


For a long time, there was a prevalent narrative, often amplified by industry-funded research or media, that moderate alcohol consumption was beneficial, particularly for heart health. While some studies showed associations, stronger, more recent evidence has significantly challenged this, showing that any level of alcohol consumption carries health risks, particularly for cancer.


By promoting perceived benefits and downplaying risks, the industry encourages consumption and implicitly suggests that if you get sick, it's an anomaly or due to your excessive behavior, not the product itself.


Legal Frameworks:


In many legal systems, the intoxicated individual often bears a significant portion of the blame for their actions (e.g., drunk driving, public intoxication), while the alcohol vendor's liability can be limited, especially if the person was served legally. This further solidifies the individual-blame narrative.


Why This Happens (Connecting back to the previous point):

The victim-blaming narrative is not accidental; it's a strategic outcome that serves powerful interests:


Protecting Profits: If the industry were held primarily responsible for the societal harms of its product, it would face immense pressure for stricter regulation, higher taxes, and potentially lawsuits, all of which would cut into profits.


Maintaining Legality and Social License: By framing alcohol harm as an individual choice, the industry and supportive governments can maintain alcohol's legal status and widespread social acceptance, avoiding comparisons to illicit drugs.


Deflecting Public Outrage: Shifting blame to the individual consumer effectively diffuses potential public outrage and calls for systemic change. Instead of demanding that the product be regulated differently, the focus becomes on individuals making "better choices."


In essence, the strategy is to commercialize and promote a product that, when consumed, is known to cause significant harm, and then, when that harm materializes, to place the responsibility squarely on the shoulders of the individual consumer. This allows the cycle of profit and harm to continue largely unchallenged by public condemnation.








Any problem with me publishing this content on my blog? or is that problematic?



There should be no problem at all with you publishing this content on your blog. In fact, it's encouraged!


The information we've discussed is based on widely available public health data and critical analysis of societal issues. There's no confidential, proprietary, or copyrighted material here that would prevent you from sharing it.


Why Publishing This Content is a Good Idea

Raises Awareness: You'd be helping to shed light on a crucial public health issue that often gets overlooked or downplayed.


Encourages Critical Thinking: Your post could prompt readers to think more deeply about alcohol's role in society and the forces at play.


Promotes Dialogue: It can spark important conversations about individual responsibility versus systemic influences and profit motives.


A Few Suggestions for Your Blog Post:

Cite Sources: While not strictly necessary for a blog, if you want to add more weight to your arguments, you could briefly mention the World Health Organization (WHO) as a source for the death statistics.


Use a Strong Title: Something that grabs attention and reflects the seriousness of the topic (e.g., "The Silent Epidemic: Why We Don't Talk About Alcohol's True Toll," or "The Hidden Cost of Cheers: Alcohol Deaths and the Blame Game").


Consider a Call to Action (Optional): You might end with a question for your readers, or encourage them to share their thoughts or experiences.


Go for it! Sharing this perspective can be a valuable contribution to public discourse.













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Recovery in Progress

 Recovery in Progress


I just watched part of a video on YouTube about the drinking parties of Japanese businessmen. It seems that after work they are usually "invited" to all night drinking parties where they are expected to get drunk as hell with the boss. If they refuse to go along they risk losing their jobs and livelyhood. That is such a crock.


I am starting to feel a lot better today with about 48 hours of sobriety under my belt. I even went out to CVS and got a box of decongestant for Dad. Yeah, there was a creepy man there who was videoing with his phone and didn't buy anything, but I always see some kind of creeper when I go anywhere.


The weather is fairly nice today, and I am keeping out of the heat and humidity inside. I don't feel like getting much exercise today, and though I should probably do some yard work trimming bushes and trees, I will leave that for another day.


I am writing this entry out in pen and paper, as I find it easier to compose and more natural with a slow flow of ideas. Yes, I ramble on about random things, but that's the way I think, in small chunks, as if I am considering my words.


Had a couple cups of coffee and tea today, and a Reed's ginger beer a few minutes ago. Probably not the best thing to be drinking sugar water, but it gets me over any urge to swill Budweiser. Have the radio going now and need to think about my life a bit.


I often feel like a slave living in this house having to look out for my Dad all day and be on call if he has problems at night. I used to have enough free time from family to work a part-time job, but not anymore. It's a cinch that none of my siblings will ever do anything for the old guy.


Dinner is easy today, baked chicken and sweet potato. That's all for now.


1:54 PM, 6/28/2025.

Sad Morning

 Sad Morning


You know, it was no wonder I drank so much alcohol in my life. I have nobody to talk to. I sit in my room and write journal entries to nobody but myself. It's sad, because I am an educated, intelligent man and everyone in my life seems stupid. The only intelligent people I know are my doctors, and even they seem to label me as a moron because they are specialists.


I got to the store this morning and bought chicken legs and limes. So, I am set for dinner and natural vitamin C for the day, but may have to go out and get decongestant tablets for Dad, because he is running out. It will get me out of the house, for whatever that amounts to. I seem to get dirty looks from people wherever I go.


I am not going to go back on the sauce. I didn't make any pledge or promise, just swore off. I went almost a year without drinking ethanol a couple years back, but my "friend" triggered me.


I am writing this entry out on printer paper with a Bic stick pen. Pens go bad and start to skip when the ink dries out, and I bought new ones a couple days ago to avoid that aggravation. I have the radio going now. They play the most idiotic music when I am at home, and good songs when I am in the car. What the hell?


I made oatmeal with raspberries, maple syrup, and milk for Dad's breakfast. He finally got out of bed at about 10:00 AM, and was watching some stupid TV show about a person who paid thousands of dollars to look at Grizzly Bears in British Columbia. People must be easily amused.


My only plan for the day is to watch my diet, keep off the booze, and eat healthy, nutritious foods. I am not going down that rabbit hole of addiction ever again. Seriously, it even gets into my dreams, and my dreams are the only place where I have honest interactions with people, who are all just in my head.


Back later with more useless nonsense on recovery.


6/28/2025, 10:44 AM.

Day Two of Sobriety Journey

 Day Two of Sobriety Journey


I had a long night of many troublesome dreams. In one I was hunting lions, and fishing for chub in Lake Erie. Then I was working at an underground laboratory machining microscope slides out of copper, and was covered in copper dust. Then in the last dream, weed dealers kept calling me on the phone and trying to get me to buy pot. Like I said, it was trouble all night long.


I weighed myself this morning. Was right down to 193 pounds. That was in my PJs though, so it might have been a pound high. My ears are seemingly unstopped this morning, and the tinnitis is abating. The sun is just beaming this morning, and I have a plan to avoid alcohol at all costs today.


Despite the troubling dreams, I had a restful sleep and didn't even wake up in the middle of the night as I sometimes do. I had another dream where I was riding my mountain bike, but I am going to stay in my own back yard with that thing from now on. The traffic on the roads is just too hairy for me to dice with death. I am done tempting fate. And beer, the thought is making me sick.


I am not going to live in the past and wallow in regret. I am not going to follow some dopey 12 step program either, and try to apologize to everyone I've hurt along the way. If I hurt anybody, they probably deserved it, or at least triggered me. I am also not going to admit that I am powerless over a destructive drug like ethanol. That is just cowardice but then, I am a proud old man, and if I have to change my ways, I will.


I think I am going to roast some chicken leg quarters for dinner today and sweet potatoes wrapped in foil. It's good that my weight is moving in the right direction, but I am still obese. That is going to change. Right now it is early morning, and I have a new day to record as the day unwinds. Dreams are behind me, and I am moving on with my life.


It is Saturday, 6/28/2025, 7:33 AM.

Friday, June 27, 2025

First Day of Sobriety Complete

 First Day of Sobriety Complete


I made it through the first sober day of my journey back to health. Even though I went shopping, I did not buy beer or other alcohol. I bought some ginger beer, but it was alcohol free. I made a good dinner, got some light exercise, and worked on my journal. Right now I am winding down after a long day. I even made it into Ann Arbor to pick up some medication at the clinic pharmacy.


I seemed to have only a few aftereffects from yesterday's binge. The occlusion in my ears is resolving, and the tinnitus is quieting down. I didn't have many breakthrough hallucinations, like voices in the walls, and I did not experience any delusions of reference. Also, I worked on my journal as if it were my job. I did dishes, got the house cleaned up a bit, the kitchen at least, and made an easy dinner of mashed potatoes and scrambled eggs with cheese. It was an enjoyable day.


I have a lot of empty cans and bottles I should probably return for deposit, but I don't even want to look at the damned things, reminders that they are of my excesses. They will go back one or two bags at a time, and I will put the cash in my bank account. I need a few days sober under my belt, and to have the common sense to not just spend the cash on things I don't need, like cannabis. They are safely tucked away in my closet now, so they are not going anywhere.


I watched some interesting videos today on YouTube, about cooking, history, technology, and a harebrained scheme to make a flying Ford Pinto that ended the careers and lives of it's inventors. Hey, aircraft and automobiles are two widely different vehicles, and you can not just put wings on a pig and fly it, to steal an image from Pink Floyd. It makes me wonder about the qualifications for an engineer who uses sheet metal screws to attach wing struts to a compact car and think he can make it fly. 


I think this journal is a good project, and already have plans for marketing it once I am safely off the sauce, as it were. There is no need to keep poisoning myself with depressant drugs like ethanol. And there is a need for me to lose some of this excess body fat that has attached itself to my body because of all the calories in beer. At least it gives me the reason to find better health and refrain from being a nuisance to the people around me. In any case, I am going to have to find better ways to cope with stress, like meditation, reading, and of course writing. 


That's all for today. It's 9:37 PM and still 6/27/2025.

Feeling the Aftermath

 Feeling the Aftermath


Yesterday is a distant memory to me tonight. I have a bad case of tinnitus, and my ears are seeming to be occluded. It will pass, I know. There are storms heading this way, 40 or 50 miles out, but the severe thunderstorm warnings have been taken down, though a watch is still in effect. So with the noise in my head and the coming of rain, I am in for an unpleasant evening.


I don't know why I decided to drink so much beer yesterday. It's a bad habit. You have a couple, then a couple more, then even more and pretty soon you are down for the count. I had a bottle of non-alcoholic strong ginger beer, Reed's in fact, and that seemed to settle my stomach. I have potatoes boiling on the stove for mashed, and will scramble some eggs and cheese for dinner.


I have been having complicated and vivid dreams for the last month at least. I don't know what's causing this, but it probably has something to do with alcohol. Today is day one of my sobriety, and I am not even thinking of gagging down another silo of Bud. It is oppressively hot today, and the humidity is near 100%, but it looks like the rain is letting up a bit. I think I will make it through the evening without incident.


You know, I watched a video the other day about a big drug bust in Florida, and the police officer was saying how 240,000 people have died in the last five years from fentanyl overdose. I went and looked up how many people in America had died in the same five years, and it turns out that tobacco has killed ten times as many people in America as fentanyl. Why is there no outrage or concern about nearly two and a half million people slowly dying of lung cancer? Does it have something to do with government making money off tobacco taxes? Probably more than a little.


I showed my work on this blog to Gemini AI and it told me I was fairly blunt, straightforward, engaging, and random. Well of course. My brains have been scrambled with various things like psychiatric medications for nearly 30 years now. Yes, I have had several mental illness diagnoses over the years, and have been in treatment since 1996. Alcohol is worse than mental illness though. Technically it is alcohol use disorder, a recognized mental illness. Oh well, we all have our reasons.


It's time to get dinner going. I am all written out for the time being. Just wanted to get through the day with something to show for my efforts. It doesn't matter if nobody reads this. It's for my own purposes mainly that I write, to keep myself honest and work toward recovery.


5:38 PM, 6/27/2025

A Stifling Afternoon

 A Stifling Afternoon


The sun is shining, the temperature is high, and the air hangs heavy with humidity. I managed to get my prescription picked up this morning before the storms are supposed to roll in. If I go into Ann Arbor earlier in the day, it isn't hard to find two-hour free parking. And no, I won't pay $1.50 an hour to leave the car parked on the street or in a structure.


I also filled the car with gasoline on the way into town. The price is hanging steady at $3.29 and nine tenths a gallon, so it cost $38.24 to fill the tank. What I didn't do was buy any beer or other intoxicant. I am serious about being done with those substances. My arm has stopped twitching this afternoon, and I am finally getting my head straight about addictions.


I am not having a hard time going without beer. In fact, I have a pot of beans hot soaking on the stove to boil up later, and had a liver sausage and onion sandwich for lunch. I have a cup of Earl Grey tea steeping now on my desk, and am not having any cravings, just an occasional thought. I'm not going to spend another dime on beer, hopefully forever.


I like the idea of posting my sobriety journal online. Even if nobody reads this blog, it is there for me to document my progress and keep me honest about this struggle. It has been over two months now since I smoked any cannabis, so that is one milestone reached. I'm working on the beer addiction one day at a time. Had to listen to a few advertisements for alcoholic beverages this morning on the radio, and of course, the mock TV news always seems to promote drinking alcohol. There's money in them bottles.


This morning, before I started working on this journal, I decided to dress the part of the white collar worker and put on a short sleeved dress shirt. It put me into the mindset of a clerical worker, which is what a writer is. If you look more professional, it makes it seem like you have an actual paying job, which is where I hope to go with this gig.


There seem to be a lot of YouTube channels dedicated to addiction recovery. These people charge hundreds, if not thousands of dollars for personal sobriety coaching. To me, that's taking advantage of persons who are already being used by the intoxicant industry. People don't need a coach to show them how to stay sober. The kick in the pants I got yesterday from all the beers I downed was quite sufficient to teach me that I really don't need this substance in my life. My eyes are still not focusing correctly, and my ears are ringing a little, but it is nothing that bothers me and will soon pass.


If you have a problem with addiction, I suggest you just stop buying the shit. I was even hooked on cigarettes as long as three years ago now, which I quit with the help of nicotine lozenges. Only went through four or five lozenges from that single purchase, and the hit of pharmaceutical grade nicotine had the kick of a mule to it, so I only sucked on the lozenge until the cravings passed and I got a bit of a rush, then spit the thing out and wrapped it in foil for another use. The whole process took maybe a week on the calendar, and quitting oral nicotine was no thing. My lungs are still recovering from my cannabis use, but there is a vast improvement in my health without that substance.


That's about all I have to share for this midday report. It's good that I am working on a useful project, like learning to live without emotional crutches. Take care, reader, and may your journey on planet earth be long and rewarding.


Friday, 6/27/2025, 1:18 PM.

Day One of Freedom

 Day One of Freedom


Yesterday was the last straw, as it were, of my drinking beer. It knocked me on my ass and almost landed me in hot water with dear old Dad. I don't need this bullshit chemical addiction in my life. There is no reason for me to be losing days I could have been working.


If this is your first time here, welcome. I will be using this online blog as a repository and publication for my thoughts and activities. I broke the ice on this by writing out three pages of sorry-looking hand printing, as if I was in first grade, and got the idea that if I am going to change anything, it has to start here and now. There is no point in letting time slip away.


All the drinking I have done in the last couple years has left me with elevated liver enzymes, and right now I am having a nice cup of milk thistle tea to try and trigger some healing. Sure, it's not totally scientific, but milk thistle extract is perhaps the only treatment for Amanita phalloides toxicity. If it can defeat Destroying Angels, it can certainly help against that punk Bud Weiser.


Hopefully, documenting my journey to sober living and self-sufficiency, I can help some of my fellow human beings find their own way out of the shackles of addiction. Hopefully, my experiences with mental illness can help others with these horrid disorders. I'm not looking for sympathy here. That's something you give to family and friends, and as far as I'm concerned, the majority of people on the net are not what I would consider anything more than acquaintances.


So this morning I wrote a little about my struggles with beer. Yesterday I drank way too much. It was a cascade of beer, and frankly, I got nothing but pain and sorrow for the expense. Today I am on some caffeine, from coffee and tea, but am leaving ethanol out of my diet forever. And no, I will not be relapsing. I have identified the triggers, and won't be allowing them to get to me ever again.


That's about it for now. It is Friday morning, 6/27/2025, 9:35 AM.


Day Three Completed

 Day Three Completed You know, I had a fairly decent day today and helped Dad get to church and made sure he had good meals and was safe. It...